Daughterhood Blog | Daughterhood

July 23, 2022May 25, 2023 by Jessica Ravitz

‘Daughterhood Circles’ offer family caregivers a way to connect

(Article Reposted with permission from Memorywell.com)

Think of it as a mom’s group for a different and less joyful chapter of life.

One woman struggles to understand why her mom won’t leave her room. Another woman, whose mother now lives with her, wonders on really bad days how this became her life. A third is determined to remember her stepmother from a different time, before the disease that recently took her life made her so angry.

It’s a Tuesday evening at a tapas and wine bar in Marietta, Georgia, a suburb outside Atlanta, and seven women have gathered to honor one another.

“Here’s to caregivers,” says the organizer, as they raise and clink their glasses.

July 2, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

Making Medicare Choices for Your Parents

“My dad doesn’t have Medicare!” A friend said to me recently.

“What?” I responded. This seemed unlikely. Pretty much everyone over age 65 has some form of Medicare and my friend’s dad is at least 90 years old.

Then he explained, “Dad has something called ‘Blue Cross advantage.’”

I explained that his dad does have Medicare but it’s a particular form of Medicare that private health plans (like BlueCross BlueShield) offer. It’s called “Medicare Advantage.”

in Common Challenges / Medicare / Paying for Care / Resources / Uncategorized 2 comments

June 21, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

6 Must-Know Tips for Making Hard Decisions

This summer at a caregiving event, a man wanted to know if it would be better for his mother, who has Alzheimer’s, to live at home with family or to live in a facility.

He asked me, “What’s the right thing to do?”

More recently, a woman worn out from caring for her husband with Parkinson’s and considering whether they should move to a facility said, “You know what I want. I just want to know the right thing to do.”

This is the conversation I have with caregivers all the time. There are so many decisions to make, from small things like what kinds of food your parent should eat, to the big stuff like whether to take away the car keys, where your parent should live, what kind of medical treatment is best or whether some recommended surgical procedure is a good idea.

in Assisted Living / Common Challenges / End-of-Life / Feeling Overwhelmed / Uncategorized 8 comments

June 3, 2022January 14, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

Navigating Medicare and Medicaid

If you’re caring for someone over the age of 65, chances are that you know something about Medicare, the health insurance program that covers nearly all older Americans. But there’s another really important program that you need to know about: MediCAID.

Medicaid is important because it’s the safety net when everything falls apart. When your frail mother has been caring for your dad at home alone for five years and she can’t do it any longer. When 24 hour a day home care is too expensive, and still not enough to keep your dad safe. And, then when his nursing home care quickly depletes their savings.

Maybe you’ve only heard about Medicaid as a program that provides health insurance under Obamacare. Well, for much longer than we’ve had Obamacare, Medicaid has been paying for nursing home care and in-home care for people who are very frail or disabled and whose income and assets are low or have been depleted by the costs of care.

in Home Care / Medicaid / Medicare / Paying for Care / Resources / Uncategorized 1 comments

May 29, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

3 Powerful Ways to Avoid the Hospital

Americans have a love affair with hospitals.

We tend to think of doctors and nurses as the people who were working hard to make good grades while the rest of us were skipping class. I am pretty sure my brilliant, doctor friend Heather was walking around with a stethoscope at age four while I was still sticking Play-Doh up my nose.

This romantic affection for hospitals is not entirely misplaced. There are zillions of people who need life-saving surgery and who live longer because a hospital was able to treat them effectively. ERs in public hospitals handle an onslaught of some of society’s toughest cases; drug addiction, mental illness, and homelessness.

But, you don’t want to start your caregiver journey in a hospital.

in Assisted Living / Common Challenges / Feeling Overwhelmed / Paying for Care / Uncategorized / Your Parent's Hospitalization 4 comments

May 7, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

4 Things You Must Know When Picking a Home Care Agency

Everyone says that they want to stay at home as they age. And, actually most of the frail older adults living in this country today are, in fact, living in a home setting. Really very few live in nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Now you might think that this is pretty great — our parents want to be at home and we want them at home. The problem, though, is that the vast majority of frail older adults living at home are 100% being cared for by their family and friends. And if you’re the one doing this work, you know that caring for a frail older adult without help is very, very hard.

One way to make it a little easier is to hire someone to help. But, many daughters can’t go this route because one, it’s expensive and two, it’s not covered by insurance. Medicare does not cover the expense of a home care aide — even for very sick people. The program does have a “home health” benefit but it’s extremely limited and pretty much only covers therapy…not ongoing help with basic needs.

in Uncategorized 12 comments

April 23, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

Medicare Therapy Rules Made Easy

Most of us take for granted that we can get out of bed in the morning and do all the things necessary to head out and face our day. You know… the simple everyday things like moving around our house, showering, getting dressed and eating breakfast. I might be a little foggy most mornings but I don’t think about whether I’ll face an enormous challenge in measuring out the coffee or pouring the milk. The point is the routine is just that…routine.

But if your parent is frail, you know that there’s nothing routine about these activities — that for them, doing even the simplest things just can’t be taken for granted anymore.

The mobility and functioning that’s essential to independence and safety suddenly becomes a big effort. And, Daughterhood really happens when we have to get involved in helping our parents do the things that they can no longer do by themselves. This is when their lives and ours get hard.

in Assisted Living / Common Challenges / Home Care / Medicaid / Medicare / Paying for Care / Resources / Uncategorized / Your Parent's Hospitalization 53 comments

April 5, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

The Burden of “Self-Care”

Every time I turn on my computer, I see some story or advice about the importance of self-care, especially for women.

We read about how Arianna Huffington is on us to get more sleep, which has the effect of keeping me up all night worrying about the bad things that will happen to me if I don’t. Or this doozy from Christiane Northrup where she advises caregivers to be sure to eat a balanced diet, get exercise and “indulge” themselves.

Let’s be real for a moment. The job of taking care of aging parents can be a total life destroyer. It takes your money, your time, your ability to work, your friends, your relationships, your ability to do the things you love, or even to take a rest.

in Common Challenges / Feeling Guilty / Feeling Overwhelmed / Navigating Change and Letting Go / Uncategorized 28 comments

March 29, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

Creating a Resilient Response to Loss: The Special Challenge of Dementia

I’ve said many times that few things are more disorienting than the shift from being cared for by your parents to caring for your parents. The only thing that makes it harder is when your parent (or spouse) has dementia. This is quite possibly the most challenging of all situations.

Every Sunday, I allow myself the pleasure of spending time on Krista Tippett’s website, www.onbeing.org. A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled onto a podcast entitled, “The Myth of Closure” with family therapist Pauline Boss.

She’s coined the phrase “ambiguous loss,” which I find revelatory. Ambiguous loss refers to “a loss that is unclear, that has no resolution or closure”…. Where a loved one’s “status as absent or present remains hazy.”

in Common Challenges / End-of-Life / Feeling Overwhelmed / Navigating Change and Letting Go / Resources / Uncategorized 8 comments

March 11, 2022May 25, 2023 by Anne Tumlinson

A Go-To Guide For Understanding Your Aging Parents’ Rehabilitation

I was 30 weeks pregnant with my daughter when a routine doctor’s visit uncovered the fact that a disconnected placenta had cut her off from getting food and water. Essentially, she was starving in utero. Later that same day, my girl was born by emergency C-section weighing in at just over 2 pounds.

Her early birth kicked off years of specialized healthcare and education, most of which was therapy to help her walk, talk and manipulate the tools she’d need to do even the simplest things like eat, use a pencil, and play with her toys.

I’m happy to report that today she’s a strapping 5’7” teenager who plays softball and the piano. And, while her gritty personality had a lot to do with her success, so did the physical, occupational and speech therapists working with her.

in Assisted Living / Common Challenges / Feeling Overwhelmed / Medicaid / Medicare / Paying for Care / Resources / Uncategorized 3 comments